Why Reading Feels Sexy — and Why That Isn’t the Whole Story

Vice’s recent article argues that bookworms get more dates and are generally seen as more attractive even more so than someone with a six-pack. The headline makes a fun point, but if you look more closely at the claims and the broader context, the psychology is a little more layered than “reading = instant swipe right.”

Yes — a lot of people find reading appealing. Multiple surveys support the idea that people list “love of reading” as a positive trait in partners. For example, one poll found that about 24 % of people would swipe right on a dating profile showing someone reading, and another 51 % said they’d swipe right if they liked the book chosen. Other research suggests readers are perceived as curious, thoughtful, and intelligent — traits many find attractive.

But here’s where nuance matters.

Reading Isn’t a Magic Attraction Button

Correlation isn’t causation. People might associate reading with “depth” or “ambition,” but that doesn’t mean reading itself makes someone more dateable — it might just signal personality traits that already matter in relationships. In psychology, we know that mate preferences are complex and include many factors — physical cues, communication style, emotional intelligence, humor, shared values, etc.

Some studies even show that physical traits and non-intellectual qualities play significant roles in attraction, especially in early impressions. What makes someone appealing on a dating app isn’t just one hobby — it’s how that hobby relates to the person’s character. According to research on online profiles, listing interests like travel, music, or humor alongside reading often produces stronger engagement than any single item alone.

What Reading Really Signals

Rather than being a surefire way to boost desirability, reading often reflects deeper qualities:

• Curiosity and continuous learning: People who read regularly may appear more intellectually engaged.

• Empathy and communication skills: Readers — especially of fiction — have been linked with higher emotional intelligence in some studies.

• Attention and patience: Both are traits that matter in meaningful conversations, not just physical attraction.

All of these traits can make someone a better partner but they’re not the same thing as being straight-up sexier than a toned body.

Context Matters — and Shared Interests Matter More

Modern dating apps have changed how traits like “reading” are interpreted. What used to be a quiet, personal habit is now often reduced to a profile signal — a way to imply intelligence, taste, or depth in a single photo or prompt. In that context, reading becomes less about connection and more about branding.

That’s where platforms like updateme intentionally take a different approach.

Instead of asking people to perform attractiveness through curated traits, updateme focuses on shared interests and real-world activities as the foundation for connection. Liking books isn’t about proving you’re “dateable” — it’s about whether you actually want to go to a bookstore, attend a reading, swap recommendations, or sit in a park quietly turning pages together.

Research consistently shows that attraction deepens through shared experiences, not just shared aesthetics or symbols. When people meet around activities they genuinely enjoy, conversation flows more naturally, pressure drops, and compatibility reveals itself faster — without needing a six-pack or a carefully staged book photo.

Reading, like any interest, becomes meaningful in dating when it’s lived and not displayed.

So what’s the takeaway?

Reading can signal traits people find appealing, and it occasionally correlates with positive responses on dating apps but it’s not a guarantee of romantic success, nor should anyone reduce something as rich as reading to a dating hack.

After all, the pleasure of reading doesn’t come from likes or matches — it comes from the internal worlds, empathy, curiosity, and depth it helps you build.